The Joke

[Guest Anonymous]

cussing is funny!!! ;p

-fuckin Rob

[Guest Anonymous]

This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town and says "Where's the goddam, motherfucking manager you cocksucking arse wipe?" The waiter is naturally taken back and replises, "Excuse me, sir, but could you refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can." The manager comes over and the bloke asks, "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes, sir, I am," replises the manager, "and I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this restaurant." "Fuck off!" replies the bloke, "and where's the fucking piano?" "Pardon?" says the manager. "Fucking deaf as well are we? You little piece of snivelling shit, show us your pissing piano." "Ahh," replies the manager, "you've come about the pianist's job," and shows the bloke to the piano. "Can you play any blues?" "Of course I fucking can," and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky tonk blues that the manager has ever heard. "Why, that's superb, what's it called?" "I want to fuck your missus on the sofa but the springs keep hurting my knob." replies the pianst. The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the blode knows any jazz. The bloke proceeds to play the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard. "Magnificent!" cries the manager, "What's it called?" "I wanted a wank over the washin' machine but my bollocks got caught in the soap drawer" The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballards, the bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody. "And what's this called?" asks the manager. "As I fuck you under the stars with the moonlight shinning off your hairy ringpiece," replies the bloke. The manager is highly upset by the blokes language but offers him the job on the condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers. This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite the pianist, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She is wearing an almost see through dress, her tits are almost falling out the top, and the skimpy little "G" string she's wearing is riding up the crack of her arse. She is sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestivley on an asparagus shoot, with the butter dripping down her chin! It's too much for the bloke and he runs off to the bogs to "Wrestle with the bald headed chimp" He's pulling away furiously when he hears the manager's voice. "Where's that bloody pianist?" He just has time to shoot his bolt and in a fluster he runs back to the piano, not having bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes. The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your knob's hanging out of your trousers and there's cum all over your shoes?"

"Know it?" the pianist shouts, "I fucking WROTE IT!"

[Guest Anonymous]

Met a guy in a bar the other day and got to talking about big construction jobs.(I'm a surveyor) He tells of his 5 years in the North sea building oil platforms- huge storms, contrary unions and cost overruns never mind, he brought the project in on schedule and under budget.

Then his company built a 100 milliom cubic yard dam, same story- on time and under budget- this is where he began to digress- "I slaved my life away for ten years in this business! And nobody calls me MacGregor the Roughneck, or MacGregor the Dam Builder! But I fuck one sheep and they call me---

[Guest Anonymous]

bwahaha