engine and drivetrain Armond's Wild Goose Chase (Long)

[Grover]

A week or so ago Armond posted the following question on the FAQ “Anybody in Mendocino?” Apparently a purportedly “straight and pretty clean ’76 with a blown motor” was “free for the taking” in Mendocino, and Armond was interested in the belt line and knee-high trim pieces, perfect one-piece dash, and possibly a fender. Being that my parents live in Mendocino, and I was going up for a visit that weekend, I offered to check it out on Armond’s behalf and make off with whatever parts I could. Oh boy, what did I get myself into…

I should have known something was funny when calling for directions, the guy (I’ll call him Alvin) answered the phone not with “Hello”, but “Mush, Mush.” Well, we all have our interesting habits, so I continued the phone call and was given directions confusing enough to get Christopher Columbus lost: Turn at the Llama crossing sign, then a sharp right at the second barn with crosses on it and then, when confronted with three dirt roads at an intersection, blah blah blah… After navigating my way around, I came across the first home (more like an encampment really) with a broad selection of car carnage in the yard. I pulled up and saw two old guys leaning over the hood of a tired Mazda pickup. One came over to me wearing his plaid shirt and greasy jeans precariously being secured by some striped suspenders. In true Mendocino meets "Deliverance" fashion, he was mildy cross-eyed and had a stride vaguely resembling George W in about 20 years, purposeful but knackered. I asked if he was Alvin, but before answering the question he began to eye the car I was driving, my wife’s 2000 Subaru Outback. It was as though I had flown in on a UFO is seemed so exotic, and he said “That looooks laaack a niiice caaar. I’d laaaack to take a riiide in thaaat caaarrr…” I chuckled nervously and asked again if he was Alvin, and he thankfully informed me that Alvin in fact lives further up the dirt road, in a small trailer just past “the tree house.”

Outside of being on the large side and fairly dilapidated, “the tree house” seemed not that out of the ordinary, until I learned that somebody actually LIVES in it. Oh boy.

So, onto Alvin’s: past the Llamas and Emus, past an old rusted forklift, through some more trees and eventually I see a Siennabraun ’76 2002. As I pull up I see Alvin all bundled up in as many layers of clothing as you or I would have if we were to wear every item of clothing in our entire closet…at once!! As I exited my car I could swear I heard a sound eerily like a banjo, and the taunt “SQUEAL like a llama!!” flashed through my mind. Alvin came up, took off one of his gloves to shake my hand, and gave up a nice toothy grin.

After exchanging some pleasantries with Alvin (who was very nice, actually) I took a more extended glance at the ’02. It became apparent very quickly that while dictionaries do exist, there is obviously enough grey area in the English language that two people can have completely different definitions of the words “straight and fairly clean.” The trim pieces which Armond had been excited about were simultaneously dinged, faded, scratched, oversprayed-on, and quite possibly, lying on the ground half covered in fern leaves. The “perfect” one piece dash, despite having a thin layer of mold on it, was in fact almost crack free, except of course for the gaping hole that somebody apparently cut with a saber saw to install the tii clock. The engine bay was dirty, to say the least, and this was apparently due to the “geyser” of oil squirting from somewhere in the engine the last time that this car made a valiant attempt to run some 6 months ago. Since then, no person has driven it or spent extensive time in it; alas, a family of mice apparently moved in, hence the acrid note that I picked up mixed with the mold and mildew from the seats and carpets. Aside from the sheer oily mess of the engine bay, the coil was somehow wedged into the space where the wiper motor is located and random wires were strewn around the firewall and along the front fender, about as close to “original” as Pam Anderson’s boobs.

In person, Alvin was quite realistic about the condition of the car, and was equally as enamored with some of the cars inherent driving capabilities as many of those on this board. He was simultaneously sad to see it go, but eager to have somebody tow the whole thing of his property rather than have poachers like me lurk around dismantling it for parts. So was this trip a complete loss? Actually not. Not only was Alvin a very nice and entertaining fellow, he also gave me the little white plastic cup that the sunroof handle nestles in (to replace my broken one.) Given that his sunroof had been sealed shut with three tubes of painters caulk some years ago, he apparently wasn’t going to be needing it any time soon.

Thanks Armond for the Hot Tip, next time I’ll keep my mouth shut

[Harv]

I wonder what that would bring out here in the rust belt?

John

[SteveJ]

purposeful but knackered

That about sums it up.

I wondered what Armond was laughing so hard about this weekend.

[Armond]

Tom

Mooshi-mooshi.

Computer is not working from home.

[InkaSteve]

Looks like the gypsy "traveler" encampment on the new TV show "The Riches". Did you check to see if you still had your wallet??

[_z_]

exactly the reason I keep a .45 handy

on the other hand I do enjoy giving city people the run around when they stumble into my area looking for some road that used to be passible 40 years ago (even though its still on Google maps)

"yee caint git thare from heer, but yer daughter sure is purdy"

[HarryPR]

I wonder what that would bring out here in the rust belt?

John

Down here it is easily a $1K car...

[NickVyse]

"You sure got a pretty mouth boy!"