This is sad. I gotta sell my car already.

[dubois]

sure honey, I am selling it...

[citizenchan]

Wow, you guys are great, really.

I had a talk with her after she saw me posting the car last night. I told her I love it, that it's as reliable as her car, and cheaper to fix than hers when/if it has a problem. She has a civic which our shop quoted a price of $1k for the next big repair, a clutch.

She wants me to keep the car (she also feels terrible about having put doubt in my head, and ruining the new car excitement.)

She apologized for being so vocal about her doubts and disatisfaction with my decision and I told her, "TOUGH." She agreed that she was mean (she can be that way, and that's something we've agreed to work on). We're usually good about communication and working out our problems. I'm by no means perfect either. But we didn't discuss this much before the fights since she disagreed so much but could see that I was so happy, she said she didn't want to say anything negative, but that it built up after the repairs and shift knob (lol). It ended up blowing up into a huge, days-long fight + animosity that you guys prompted me to just sit down and talk through with her. I think, seeing me putting the car up for sale really showed her that her being mad about my decision was pushing me toward getting rid of the car without meaning to, and she chilled majorly and tried to get out of the doghouse. I might keep her there for a while just to teach her a lesson haha.

I don't have family to talk to when I need help making a decision like she does, and I've got few true friends due to all my moves. You guys are the ones on my side. Talking it out and hearing other opinions helped me immensely, especially hearing your experienced opinions of the 02 and its m10.

You guys have persuaded me to keep the car.

I feel like an idiot. I must seem like the most indecisive guy ever, but I really love the car and I guess I just needed some time to talk to her about it, and help thinking it through myself.

Sorry to Michael for pulling the car off the market. I can't wait to meet all of you at meets and drives. I'll probably bring my gf too, so try not to hate on her, she's already semi-reformed. Haha.

[BLUNT]

nice man, good decision. just remember it works both ways. support her passions too and youll be a happy man

[JohnP]

Seems your girlfriend touched a few nerves. She's sounds more like a nagging wife in training than a girlfriend. Bottom line, pick your battles. Is the car your passion or not? Can you afford it? If not, sell it no harm no foul and ten years from now when you are better fixed, come back to it. If it is your passion, for the sake of your relationship and your manhood, draw a line in the sand and make it clear it isn't up for negotiation. Women like that have a way of making your life hell until you knuckle under. They can be relentless. Today it's the car, tomorrow its where/when to buy a house or when to have children and how many. Take it from someone who's been married twice, the storm warnings are out. Someone as strong as her, and as irresolute as you, makes you the steam rollee. At the end of the day you deserve someone who isn't just checking off boxes and will find a way to share or at least tolerate your passion because it is important to her that it is important to you. Reread your posts. You are well into rationalizing giving up part of who you are (not the car) in the mistaken belief that you are not being mature and practical.

[MrNvgtr]

Great, it sounds like you might get to keep the car, but damn she's still got you by the balls. I can tell by all this we'll have it work on it crap. This is truly making me sad. I sent you an email a minute ago. Please read and digest what I'm trying to say to you.

I agree completely with JohnP above. That's essentially what I sent you an email about.

[citizenchan]

Thanks BLUNT.

JohnP and Michael, you hit the nail on the head. She and I have butted heads over the very same stuff before. And as for giving up part of myself, cuz it's more than just the car at the root of it, I definately see how you say I've rationalized. I do that a lot about everything.

I definately do not want to be the steam rollee, and I am such an easy-going guy that I can see this happening - it has happened in the past on a smaller scale. I generally just go along with things. In fact, I've been more assertive as of late (last year or so), telling her my unbridled opinions, deciding to buy a flat-screen, ps3, etc, and she has had to adjust big time - wanted to break up at times cuz she is used to being bossy. We are getting over that hurdle, and this is an extension of that I think.

I don't want to just bash my gf. I love her and she loves me, so I don't expect her to be perfect. This is something we can work on, are working on. To her credit she has been saying the whole time that she loves that I love the car, just that it was a bad decision in her mind etc - of course, I want her to love the car too, but that'll never happen.

Anyway, thanks for the support/feedback/opinions. I really appreciate it. As the decision to buy the car in the first place was a big one for me, helping me to see my changing lifestyle - your help here has again, helped me to see and address a change/issue in my relationship. I am very thankful for everyone's help with that.

[citizenchan]

Come to think of it. I bought the PS3 JUST to shut her up. We'd been having a fight over money concerns, saving, and my feelings like I didn't want to hear her say how broke we are or whatever (especially because we aren't). She and I had to go to the mall and while we were there I went to best buy and dropped $500 on a PS3 and played that the rest of the day.

I think she really got the point then that I was going to be an adult and make decisions for myself. She even acknowledged that she is bad about trying to make me do and see things her way. Of course, it is because she cares, and worries I'll run out of money, but still I should be able to live how I want and she gets that now.

[ClayW]

You guys have persuaded me to keep the car.

SWEET.

[-=Charley]

excellent. this whole thing makes me appreciate my girlfriend more for strapping in, holding on, and smiling when people tell her that she smells like gasoline. behind every obsessive car guy is a women shaking her head.

[rx8rotary]

Come to think of it. I bought the PS3 JUST to shut her up. We'd been having a fight over money concerns, saving, and my feelings like I didn't want to hear her say how broke we are or whatever (especially because we aren't). She and I had to go to the mall and while we were there I went to best buy and dropped $500 on a PS3 and played that the rest of the day.

I think she really got the point then that I was going to be an adult and make decisions for myself. She even acknowledged that she is bad about trying to make me do and see things her way. Of course, it is because she cares, and worries I'll run out of money, but still I should be able to live how I want and she gets that now.

Please don't take this the wrong way because I don't know you and you are probably a great guy but going out and laying down $500 for a PS3 to show her "I was going to be an adult and make decisions for myself. " isn't acting like an adult IMHO.

Bob

[InkaSteve]

nice man, good decision. just remember it works both ways. support her passions too and youll be a happy man

Ditto....I believe everyone here, in spite of what seems as harsh statements, has your best interests in mind. For sure, there is no shortage of opinions. Just get your differences sorted out honestly before you make any long-term decisions (like marriage, joint investments, children). The 02 is just a catalyst to realizing issues that need to be resolved.

I can't wait to meet all of you at meets and drives. I'll probably bring my gf too, so try not to hate on her, she's already semi-reformed. Haha.

Any girl that even agrees to ride in an 02 gets everyone's respect. Some become as passionate as the rest of us about them. Most, just love us and tolerate our sickness. We will be considerate and friendly toward her. (Just don't show her this thread, or she might not be quite as friendly toward us)

Welcome to Life, Love and 02's

[JOHNAHOF]

We all know an older car can equal some down time or a break down on the road. Strange noises, idiosyncrasies... are part of the deal. So that part of the story coming from me is like preaching to the choir. But if these things are not at your comfort level then a different car might be the answer.

I understand you say your GF has spoiled the experience for you but from the message you wrote I wonder if this experience is not really one for you or if the truth does not lie somewhere in between. I hope this does not sound judgmental because that is not my intent, I by no means know your situation. The message just read that way to me. I hope you find what you are looking for.

John Hoffner

[Jim_75Sahara]

Geez, this thread is more about relationships than automobiles. If you love somebody and they love you in return, you will not always agree or always feel 100% in love. You two will sometimes fight, get p.o.'d, work things out, etc. BUT, don't set up a pattern of backing down or doing "whatever it takes" to make her happy each and every time. You gotta fight for your rights! Pick your battles. If it pisses you off that she has 88 pairs of shoes, let it ride, you're not gonna change that. If she picks at you about your fantabulous '02, it's time to stand up and have a MAJOR disagreement. My wife of 17 yrs. would fight for a "core value" of hers, don't you think?? (OK by me anyway.) She'd think I was neutered if I caved on something IMPORTANT. You can ignore or agree on dumb little stuff --- your '02 is a big hairy deal, OK?

[JOHNAHOF]

Wheres a good thread highjack when you need one?

[BarryA]

both sides of the issue - from the perspectiive of a 60 year old life-time car whacko, married 21 years to a car-accepting wife, a couple of points that I don't think were covered elsewhere:

If you have both a "hobby" car and an SO (significant other), you're almost guaranteed to have time and money issues to negotiate from time to time, as the time and funds needed to maintain/upgrade/play with the hobby car are almost always going to come out of the "discretionary" time/money pool you have to share with your SO. The key to having both a hobby and a relationship is for both people to be reasonable about their expectations.

If your hobby car is also your only car, it's going to be pretty difficult for it not to become somewhat of an issue with an SO that's not a car nut, since anytime the hobby car is down, it's going to impact the SO's time and schedule when you have to share the one remaining car you have between you. Having a hobby car as your daily transportation can work fairly well when you're single and on your own (especially if you live in a dry, warm climate), but relationships tend to work better when both partners have reliable daily drivers.

If you can't do the bulk of the mechanical and/or cosmetic work yourself, multiply the financial issues involved in any work on the hobby car by a factor of 10. If you CAN do the mechanical /cosmetic work yourself, multiply the financal factors by 5, and the time factors involved by 10 - on second thought, multiply the time by a factor of 20.

If you don't have a daily driver and off-street, enclosed storage/work space for the hobby car, the irritation factor for the SO will likely be multiplied by a factor of 10 as well - if you have another car and the hobby car's locked away where the SO doesn't have to look at it when you have a project underway, the old adage of "out of sight, out of mind" usually applies, and you probably won't get much grief about it. If you're in the middle of a project and it's not running or is partially disassembled and the SO has to look at it several times a day, it's like a bleeding sore on the relationship.